Here I will be posting some of my poetry on life in transition,
"in-between" three different countries, one being my past,
another being my present and the last one - that was supposed
to be my future, at least for a while, but not anymore, but the
existence of which still dwells inside of me - with the new one,
unknown yet, waiting for me ahead...
***
Two cups of orange tea
In front of jungle gym,
Metallic bones of which
Don't look like they're meant
For children...
Breath in when you climb up,
Once more when you go in
Between the cold poles,
That interchanged their roles
With mother's gentle limbs...
A fast-forwarded glimpse
At the corrupted sky
Hit by torrential rain
Like us - the other day,
Like me - when slipped away
The hope I held so tight.
Look through the greenish light
Of undiscovered fate
Unfolding its terrains
By bits - and day by day.
(September 28, 2011)
***
***
On Orthodox Easter Celebration in Tokyo
The church could have well been on fire
From candles and kerosene stoves,
The Japanese priest's attire
Shone bright from the depth of the cove.
When stepped we outside of the building,
The apples' blossom smell was around,
And soft were our steps gently mingling
On wettish petals-covered ground.
The air was chilly and moisty,
The smoke from the candles was hot,
Two giant Bulgarian sumoists,
Walked in front, their hair in knots.
In Greek, in Romanian, Russian
Pronounced were the holy words,
The heavenly cymbals were clashing
With message of savior's rebirth.
And when in the morning so early
The sun woke me up from my sleep,
With promise of heavenly glory
The transparent air was lit.
(April 24, 2011)
***
Looking for Chagall in misty Seoul,
Giant hen that guards the sliding door,
Shade of it spreads all over the floor,
Through the glass I see His floating soul.
Lonely pig climbed jumping up the roof
And sits still there till taken by His hand,
Mind it! Since has it no hoof -
Everything goes past and through the sand.
Endless mist absorbing morning sun,
Flying lovers looking through the veil,
Vaguely shaping town's outer line,
Carving through the clouds, blue and pale.
Paint the pain, I'll give you a lovely brush,
Stop the wave that brings the causes tapestry -
Longing for a deadly fatal crash,
To erase me from world's classifying registry.
(End of March, 2011)
On "Mother" by Bong Joon-ho (the filmmaker)
She was walking through the field of weed,
Dried and yellow like infected skin,
Fire burning from inside her limbs,
Bringing visions of commited sin.
Like a mad man in a deadly crowd,
Heartless beat of her devoted heart,
Pretty boy who always makes her proud,
With his hands polluted by the mud.
Innocence of never knowing why,
What and when took place throughout his life -
Tighter's now that connecting line,
Cut in two halves by the midwife's knife.
(March 10, 2011)
About the film
***
***
Mothers-in-law and radiant sisters
Sticking and burning like summertime blisters,
Checking reactions and keeping a track -
Faces of them in my old-style Mac,
Cracked on the right
Under where my hand lies.
Telling a story of an ongoing bliss,
Willing to suck you in - in its digital mist.
Clouds of fashion and imagination
Blur the philanthropic state of starvation
For something that's lost its name in my world a way too long,
All I can do now is sing a desperate song.
My life is contracted to someone unreal,
Oh God what you've done -
Shall not be forgiven!
(January 17, 2011)
***
***
***
***
"in-between" three different countries, one being my past,
another being my present and the last one - that was supposed
to be my future, at least for a while, but not anymore, but the
existence of which still dwells inside of me - with the new one,
unknown yet, waiting for me ahead...
***
Two cups of orange tea
In front of jungle gym,
Metallic bones of which
Don't look like they're meant
For children...
Breath in when you climb up,
Once more when you go in
Between the cold poles,
That interchanged their roles
With mother's gentle limbs...
A fast-forwarded glimpse
At the corrupted sky
Hit by torrential rain
Like us - the other day,
Like me - when slipped away
The hope I held so tight.
Look through the greenish light
Of undiscovered fate
Unfolding its terrains
By bits - and day by day.
(September 28, 2011)
***
Fungus of the subway underworld,
I can now only spell one word.
Suddenly dogs bark amidst the night,
Mutant pain is scattering my sight.
Pain in where there's no flesh,
No organ that can hurt and ache,
Where the soul has left its airy splash
And was gone to you - to cling and crave.
I am now trying to tame it back,
To return and fill my veins with life,
But it's longing to you even through the wreck
Of the ruined dream that seemed so right.
Set me free from this exhausting burn,
Feeding on my life, my blood and time,
From this endless pain - and make return
Possible for my soul - to be mine.
(July 20, 2011)I can now only spell one word.
Suddenly dogs bark amidst the night,
Mutant pain is scattering my sight.
Pain in where there's no flesh,
No organ that can hurt and ache,
Where the soul has left its airy splash
And was gone to you - to cling and crave.
I am now trying to tame it back,
To return and fill my veins with life,
But it's longing to you even through the wreck
Of the ruined dream that seemed so right.
Set me free from this exhausting burn,
Feeding on my life, my blood and time,
From this endless pain - and make return
Possible for my soul - to be mine.
***
Green monsters of the underearth
Sing hymns from underneath,
The words reach through repeatedly -
I swear, herewith,
You take your road to neverland,
And go till the end,
But for this sacred traveling,
You take your own hand.
They'll whisper gentle promises,
Those you meet on the way,
Don't fall into this fallacy,
When doubting - just pray,
But not to god or universe
Or idols in the cave,
Pray to yourself -
Your present self,
Your neverending strength.
Long paths of midnight labyrinths,
Will bring you here and there,
You'll find many useful things,
And many - not to care,
But follow your way,
Your line of life
That you chose for yourself,
And that's the truth,
The only truth
In every step,
In every breath,
That you take every day.
(June 28, 2011)
On Orthodox Easter Celebration in Tokyo
The church could have well been on fire
From candles and kerosene stoves,
The Japanese priest's attire
Shone bright from the depth of the cove.
When stepped we outside of the building,
The apples' blossom smell was around,
And soft were our steps gently mingling
On wettish petals-covered ground.
The air was chilly and moisty,
The smoke from the candles was hot,
Two giant Bulgarian sumoists,
Walked in front, their hair in knots.
In Greek, in Romanian, Russian
Pronounced were the holy words,
The heavenly cymbals were clashing
With message of savior's rebirth.
And when in the morning so early
The sun woke me up from my sleep,
With promise of heavenly glory
The transparent air was lit.
(April 24, 2011)
***
Looking for Chagall in misty Seoul,
Giant hen that guards the sliding door,
Shade of it spreads all over the floor,
Through the glass I see His floating soul.
Lonely pig climbed jumping up the roof
And sits still there till taken by His hand,
Mind it! Since has it no hoof -
Everything goes past and through the sand.
Endless mist absorbing morning sun,
Flying lovers looking through the veil,
Vaguely shaping town's outer line,
Carving through the clouds, blue and pale.
Paint the pain, I'll give you a lovely brush,
Stop the wave that brings the causes tapestry -
Longing for a deadly fatal crash,
To erase me from world's classifying registry.
(End of March, 2011)
On "Mother" by Bong Joon-ho (the filmmaker)
She was walking through the field of weed,
Dried and yellow like infected skin,
Fire burning from inside her limbs,
Bringing visions of commited sin.
Like a mad man in a deadly crowd,
Heartless beat of her devoted heart,
Pretty boy who always makes her proud,
With his hands polluted by the mud.
Innocence of never knowing why,
What and when took place throughout his life -
Tighter's now that connecting line,
Cut in two halves by the midwife's knife.
(March 10, 2011)
About the film
***
Vengeance -
What's in this word so live that wakes my veins,
And sharpens my eyes' gaze into the dark?
Connect by means of sword those broken genes,
Engraved in fragile body of a lark.
"Forgive-me-not" -
That flower's real name,
As not forgiveness's what I'm waiting for,
Wash off my flesh that symptomatic shame,
That chokes me every time life says "no".
Pay back for what?
For longitude of hope,
I carry with me, in my tired joints,
Stung right into heart by a deadly wasp,
Uprooted before sun from lovely soil.
(March 9-10, 2011)
On Tokyo Immigration Office
Three times already this spring in the building,
That is, comparing to other places,
Of Land of Rising Sun
Is filled with people,
Who are of other kind,
Including me,
The clerks are kind?
Oh don't kid thee ...
I'd rather flee
From place whose policy of immigration
Is as archaic as salvation.
Idea, brought here by the priests,
This order system strictly keeps
The register of every movement.
I so hope for its improvement,
Though will I be here I cannot say
I didn't move here to stay?
(March 10, 2011)
***
(March 10, 2011)
***
Colder than I thought,
Once the sun's faded down,
My secondhand coat
Is not warmer than pajamas.
It's time to say goodbye
To the midnight awakenings,
Time to rest my boat
Next to the endless farewells.
Sing to me your song
You, stingy cripple of the underland,
Time has come to roam
In where if I roam,
He will roam too,
And we will roam in peace.
Once the sun's faded down,
My secondhand coat
Is not warmer than pajamas.
It's time to say goodbye
To the midnight awakenings,
Time to rest my boat
Next to the endless farewells.
Sing to me your song
You, stingy cripple of the underland,
Time has come to roam
In where if I roam,
He will roam too,
And we will roam in peace.
(January 25, 2011)
***
Mothers-in-law and radiant sisters
Sticking and burning like summertime blisters,
Checking reactions and keeping a track -
Faces of them in my old-style Mac,
Cracked on the right
Under where my hand lies.
Telling a story of an ongoing bliss,
Willing to suck you in - in its digital mist.
Clouds of fashion and imagination
Blur the philanthropic state of starvation
For something that's lost its name in my world a way too long,
All I can do now is sing a desperate song.
My life is contracted to someone unreal,
Oh God what you've done -
Shall not be forgiven!
(January 17, 2011)
***
With my gals out to town,
Getting pampered, getting tanned,
Pinky nail polish's glittering,
And the chewing gum tastes funky, ain't it?
Bushy trees absorbing dimlight
On the sidewalks, breathing smoke
From the oily izakayas, heavy heartbeats
Thick and odd.
When you ought to make it faster,
When you have to make it fast,
And when those hands reaching for you are looking nasty,
Counting banknotes in their purse.
Struggle and fight like on the battlefield,
Spit out your soul to the furthest extent
Waiting for the glimpsy neverland
In this harsh and vain attempt.
When I sleep I dream of daylight
When it's daylight, I dream of sleep,
Cold raindrops, look, it's raining,
Black and sharp sitting there raven is,
Brightly stamped into my memory
Lilac's morning, fresh aroma,
Whitish wood and sun-filled timber,
Covering me with its aura,
With the shadows-faded mirror
At the entrance to the house,
Seven stairways to make me whole
In the realms of unforgettable -
To cure my heart's bleeding hole.
(July 12, 2010)
Today I write,
Today I sing
I feel them whispering
Straight from within.
Those giantic shadows
Of uncovered fate,
That are taking me faster,
Full speed towards the end,
And luckily for me
That's not gonna be long,
Very soon will I find myself
In hell - where I belong.
(July 10, 2010)
Deal with pain
Over meaningless gain,
Obsessing in agony
All night and day.
Will I ever go
Where you do belong,
Will you ever show,
How strong is your storm?
In half-tired lullabies
Of a midnight kingdom
I am reading deep trough the signs
Of a neverending syndrome.
I write cause I fear
And fear cause I write,
How sharp are your teeth
To cut through the life?
(July 21, 2010)
***
Do you believe in heaven?
You do - I hear that,
Where have you caught this raven?
Let it go, it's turning mad.
Before it cut your eyes out,
Before it took your soul,
You have to make it free winged
Cause nowhere it does belong.
A cage of endless sorrow,
A cage of endless pain.
Will I survive by morrow?
The never melting snow
Has melted to repent.
(July 21, 2010)
***
Lately it stopped to be Russian,
Lately it ceased to be sore.
A lady picking her sachets,
An elderly plays domino.
This backache that tears me in two halves,
The rain outside that shouts hard,
Her dress with the half faded lilacs,
An old man holding his mug.
Eternity, calmness, forgiveness.
Oh silence, when heard you I last?
A child can no more be called sinless,
He will be the first then to kill us -
And bones of the dead gently clank.
(July 29, 2010)
***
Ikebukuro in summer -
Is like everyone around is a spammer,
Homeless fella wearing his pajama,
And pedestrians recovering from trauma
Of an endless, stinking, sticky summer
That for sure won't lead you to nirvana
Cause you must have figured,
That your karma
Is tied to that very Ikebukuro in summer...
(July 29, 2010)
***
Cafe au lait at night,
The one that's aimed for the morning,
A windy train sucks the might
Of the surrounding glory.
She introduced me to you,
A French-looking Asian fellow,
Dressed up in a gown from J-Crew,
I passed the streets' shining yellow.
Oh how many more nights and days
Of lonesome non-ending detention
Shall I spend while hiding my face
From passion that fills my salvation?
(October 1, 2010)
***
Late at night
Italian flavor,
That bread and oil -
Authentic,
But so far from Europe...
Smoky cafe,
Early midnight,
I wish for no other
Exemption from life.
With you I belong to the universe,
Lonely wolf of my heart
Slowly sharpens its teeth on my inner skin.
Will be there a day
When I'll lie down
On a clean fragrant bedsheet,
With no anxieties breaking me apart?
I go further
No matter what...
(October 5, 2010)
***
Loneliness or silence -
Solitude - solicit one's own soul
To join a better world...
Of no regrets,
But no forgiveness - alike...
Who's of your kind?
What men or women
Can grasp your song
That's coming from your bones...
The song of broken genes...
Oh say - who will embrace your heart
And nurse it with the love,
That will be long like day
That you were born...
Oh lullaby of life -
Why hearing am I thee?
Why are you gently sore
And sting my heart?
Just sleep...
(October 10, 2010)
***
Bewilderness,
I have to run away,
I sense it with my skin,
My nostrils breathing in the scent of blood.
And yet another day
I spend with you. I feel -
Delineated kin
Of your side and of mine
Won’t ever let it last.
The thunderstorm is far,
But I can hear its rhyme
The shadows of the rain
Come close.
The bitter taste of grass,
That spreads under my feet -
It’s tongues cutting my skin -
Reminds me of us.
(June 15, 2009)
On Tokyo
***
Bewilderness,
Oh cure me of this curse!
Its darkened edges are evolving while
My thoughts are scattered over gloomy sight
Of my intolerable endless fight for love.
I want you -
Deaf
To wavy rhymes of life,
You're letting go of this only chance
To have a different, unusual life -
There won't be another sea of wild geese again.
(September 1, 2010)
Premonition
I have to run away,
I sense it with my skin,
My nostrils breathing in the scent of blood.
And yet another day
I spend with you. I feel -
Delineated kin
Of your side and of mine
Won’t ever let it last.
The thunderstorm is far,
But I can hear its rhyme
The shadows of the rain
Come close.
The bitter taste of grass,
That spreads under my feet -
It’s tongues cutting my skin -
Reminds me of us.
(June 15, 2009)
This evening in Tabata it smells like rain
At the station pushed over a stone wall,
We′re used to doing nothing when waiting for our train,
In this city that steals our memories hard to recall.
And the cold platform is so welcoming after a choky day,
With its busty hambaiki selling tiny drinks
To people from a place that could well be somewhere else in Asia,
But due to some timeslip mistake has turned out to be Japan,
And apart from the fact that everywhere it stinks,
I′m fine, I′m settled and I don't want to go home.
And now on this particular train,
A lady in a cap wearing spectacles,
A sort of upgraded pseudo-smart bitchy Japanese lady,
Just pressed me on my back
Cause my long hair were disturbing her reading.
And the other′s got freckles
All over her face,
A sign of aging in this country,
While at home they′re a sign of sun,
But these ones are just the life′s end phase.
Trains trains trains
You spend like half a life on them here in Tokyo,
The endless labyrinth carrying out its plot over our existence,
And no matter five years but I still need assistance
In getting around its plastic surroundings,
Nevermind them.
But the rain smell is good and its deep and its cool.
Just follow its rays till the end and you won′t have to pull
Out any new meanings,
Cause it all is encoded
In its scoring and rhythm,
In its sounding that′s melodic,
Just don't get it out of your scenery.
Bless ya.
(May 5, 2009)
***
And suddenly, from nowhere
A tree, not a bush - of roses
In full blossom,
Bringing the smells from a dusty city
That lies in the south of Russia…
Here in Japan
Little early and little too soon
It embraces me with its soul
Hidden.
And trying I am as I can
To resist; it spreads its unbearable rule
Full of wounded memories,
Embroidered in its trunk and its thorns,
And underneath - cherry-soft lawn,
Poisoning in its colorfulness.
And when your mind is a mess,
Pull the hammock of your heart
By a long-reaching string
Of destiny,
And testify,
That true you are to your real "I".
And suddenly, from nowhere
A tree, not a bush - of roses,
I swear,
There are always reasons and causes
For every most meaningless happening.
And flowers are gabbering; where am I -
Standing on that road
That resembles the sceneries
Of a dusty town in the Russian south,
Carrying the everyday load
Of god's providence,
Who's seeing us,
Us with bubbles coming out of the mouth,
In agony counting oceans and mounts,
That are still there to feed us generously,
And provoking the end in this manner rebelliously,
Like no other I feel it,
When looking at this monster,
From top to toe in mutant roses,
That were brought here
With devil's participance.
And like no other I hear them,
That inevitable's fostered
When seeing these reddish bloody roses,
That are stepping so near
With
their poison
covering and
choking us.
(May 2009)
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