On royal wedding and the speech by the Bishop of London

The wedding of William and Kate was truly wonderful and I enjoyed watching it live on NHK broadcasting very much yesterday night. My roommate joined me and we spent over two hours glued to the television screen. We both agreed that it's been a while that something beautiful like this happened and was on air, so somehow it reminded me of my late childhood years when there were (or did it only seem to be that way?) much more occasions to feel touched and inspired after following some good news about high society on TV. Is it that Russia used to be a monarchy itself that the site of the wedding evoke the most nostalgic and romantic feelings inside of me, or is it that most of the current news are either about wars or disasters,  but being able to see the wedding felt like a long-awaited but fresh flow.

While watching I also thought that many people are forgetting about the importance of "playfulness" in their everyday life. While such an element is core to the life of celebrities, full of attention to their appearances' details and theatralisation of actions, we have forgotten to enrich our own lives with it and falsely think that this is not our domain and that we can be fulfilled by just observing various playful rituals being performed by the others. In reality, we would certainly benefit from allowing more room for "playfulness" in our daily movements and encounters - while there is so much to choose from, we are restricted by the boundaries of what's acceptable and appropriate,  depriving ourselves from creativity that is supposed to be our true nature. While it's a dress one wears, a meal one cooks, a party one organizes for their dear friends or a song one writes - we should just let it be and stop cultivating the in-shelled way of life so many people of our age, and very strongly here in Japan, tend to prefer.  

Going back to discussing the wedding, I would just like to make one more remark about another thing that was very pleasing - the speech delivered by the Bishop of London. He talked about creativity, the fire one carries inside, the one that we should first distinguish and keep glowing, and also about how your partner in marriage can help you find your true self. While listening to this wonderful speech, I noticed though that its effect on me was a way too relaxing and soothing, making me understand that there was something dangerous about the Bishop's words, dangerous in a way that one can start perceiving marriage as the only way to find one's "deepest and truest self",  to enjoy "fuller life" and "to thrive". While this interpretation of the Bishop's words is highly tempting, and could be well applicable to some successful marriages, we should never forget that we both come to this world and leave it alone, so we should make the best effort we can to find our inner power prior to entering into the sacred union with another person. By doing so we can evolve even more through generation of dual energy once we unite with our chosen one. However, if we try to feed on the energy of the partner to fill ourselves with happiness, we shall fail inevitably.

On art

Some pieces of art take years to understand, whether it is the meaning that the artist originally meant for the artwork or the meaning of your own that acquired its embodiment in the materialized cry of a renowned stranger's soul. That's how the artists, the critics and the masses collide. The first give form to the universal pain of humanity. The second understand it and can distinguish, though remain unable to find means for transmitting the message on their own, without borrowing the energy and power of an object produced by an artist. People who have no connection to art in their everyday life still have ears for different forms of art - though can neither express or interpret its meaning in universal terms. They identify the themes touched in art pieces with themselves, in an attempt to find the answers to those sides of their personality or to hidden parts of their soul that cannot and should not be revealed in the day-to-day social interactions. Thus, all three groups interact over societies, borders, and times.

On my great-granma's passing away...

I woke up late today and didn't check my Facebook the way I always do. I was first talking on the phone with my boyfriend discussing some daily matters, then cooked my lunchtime breakfast and turned on this Japanese drama I started watching the other day, a lovely one, about a doctor who falls into a time slip that sends him back to Edo during the Bakumatsu era...

When waking up I  remembered I saw a dream and could still go over it in my head. In my dream I saw a huge sports ground, like a soccer field. The sky was grey and it looked like it was about to rain. To the right from the field there was this two or three-storied building made of red brick. I remember standing in the middle of the field together with my boyfriend when the earthquake started and I immediately saw a tall residential building on the other side of the field getting caught on fire. The fire was orange and the smoke was black. In that very second I knew I had to look for my mom and my great-grandma. I first went to the left and had to climb some sandy hill using the roots of the trees to help me move up. However, there was nothing there where they could be. I then went down back to the field, crossed it and went straight into the brick building I saw at first. I went up the stairs and entered a room that was arranged in a way like they were performing a heath check there. It wasn't a hospital, more like a regular space inside of some building that was turned into a check-up place for a while. I then saw many people I knew there, maybe ten. I can't say for sure now who they were and whether my mom was there, I can't remember. I remember though that I immediately saw my great-grandma. She was wearing some white clothes and also a small white cotton scarf on her head, the way she always does in real life. I sat down right next to her. She looked at me kindly and I felt enormous warmth, soothing and soft, coming from her.  She didn't say a word, but I remember I woke up with a feeling like I received a real hug from her - warm, soft and pure. I even felt her smell in my dream - warm and gentle. I felt calm and happy after this dream despite the earthquake and fire...

When I was talking on the phone to my boyfriend, an earthquake did happen, a small one though, not like the one in the dream. The epicenter was in Kanto area and it was 4 grades according to the Japanese measurement system in where I live. Since aftershocks happen here every single day ever since March 11, I didn't get surprised or even scared that much - it was gone in around 30 seconds.

Around two hours passed since I started watching the drama when I remembered I didn't check my Facebook messages yet. I reached for my iPhone, pressed the app icon and saw two identical messages from my dad sent one after another: "My dear child, our great-grandma passed away. Me and grandma were next to her till the very end...". And that was the end of the world...

She passed away yesterday 7:50pm, which is 1:50am here in Japan. At that time I was finishing my shower and getting ready to sleep, my thoughts were away from home or my relatives or even my boyfriend. I was just doing routine things and nothing struck me at that very moment. I am endlessly thankful to God though that she came to me in my dream. I am thankful to her for having come. I am thankful for having seen her together with my boyfriend once again in February and for receiving a blessing from her for our marriage. I am thankful for having had her next to me throughout my life - ever since I was born, and I was born in a hospital where she worked in the cloakroom during that time, for every gentle touch and word she gave me, for every story she told me, for every fortunetelling she made for me, for every "pirojok" she cooked for me... She was and will always be the guardian angel of our family, no matter how far any of us will go, she is our home that each of us will carry in our hearts...

It feels surreal to think that she is gone now that I'm so far away from my homeland... Maybe that's for the better... as she will always be alive in my heart. 

On my place in Japan...

My house is not the same anymore. It used to live independently from the surrounding nature, but ever since the quake it has become a part of it. Its foundation has put down roots, its windows and holes have opened up to let in the harsh wind, transforming it into a wind mill. It now breathes together with the storm, directs its eyes at the poisonous sun, speeding up the beats of its wounded heart. Being inside of it makes me feel like I'm inside some beastly creature, that walks around the wood carrying me together with it... Sometimes it sits down to take a little rest - its breath slows down then, it closes its eyes making the vision outside the windows of the house misty and blurred, making me feel dizzy and motionless... At another time the creature would suddenly start running around, shaking upside down - this blocks my ears and makes my chest hurt... This place will never be the same anymore. It will take forever to tame it down... to bring back to the world of people from the world of element...