I woke up late today and didn't check my Facebook the way I always do. I was first talking on the phone with my boyfriend discussing some daily matters, then cooked my lunchtime breakfast and turned on this Japanese drama I started watching the other day, a lovely one, about a doctor who falls into a time slip that sends him back to Edo during the Bakumatsu era...
When waking up I remembered I saw a dream and could still go over it in my head. In my dream I saw a huge sports ground, like a soccer field. The sky was grey and it looked like it was about to rain. To the right from the field there was this two or three-storied building made of red brick. I remember standing in the middle of the field together with my boyfriend when the earthquake started and I immediately saw a tall residential building on the other side of the field getting caught on fire. The fire was orange and the smoke was black. In that very second I knew I had to look for my mom and my great-grandma. I first went to the left and had to climb some sandy hill using the roots of the trees to help me move up. However, there was nothing there where they could be. I then went down back to the field, crossed it and went straight into the brick building I saw at first. I went up the stairs and entered a room that was arranged in a way like they were performing a heath check there. It wasn't a hospital, more like a regular space inside of some building that was turned into a check-up place for a while. I then saw many people I knew there, maybe ten. I can't say for sure now who they were and whether my mom was there, I can't remember. I remember though that I immediately saw my great-grandma. She was wearing some white clothes and also a small white cotton scarf on her head, the way she always does in real life. I sat down right next to her. She looked at me kindly and I felt enormous warmth, soothing and soft, coming from her. She didn't say a word, but I remember I woke up with a feeling like I received a real hug from her - warm, soft and pure. I even felt her smell in my dream - warm and gentle. I felt calm and happy after this dream despite the earthquake and fire...
When I was talking on the phone to my boyfriend, an earthquake did happen, a small one though, not like the one in the dream. The epicenter was in Kanto area and it was 4 grades according to the Japanese measurement system in where I live. Since aftershocks happen here every single day ever since March 11, I didn't get surprised or even scared that much - it was gone in around 30 seconds.
Around two hours passed since I started watching the drama when I remembered I didn't check my Facebook messages yet. I reached for my iPhone, pressed the app icon and saw two identical messages from my dad sent one after another: "My dear child, our great-grandma passed away. Me and grandma were next to her till the very end...". And that was the end of the world...
She passed away yesterday 7:50pm, which is 1:50am here in Japan. At that time I was finishing my shower and getting ready to sleep, my thoughts were away from home or my relatives or even my boyfriend. I was just doing routine things and nothing struck me at that very moment. I am endlessly thankful to God though that she came to me in my dream. I am thankful to her for having come. I am thankful for having seen her together with my boyfriend once again in February and for receiving a blessing from her for our marriage. I am thankful for having had her next to me throughout my life - ever since I was born, and I was born in a hospital where she worked in the cloakroom during that time, for every gentle touch and word she gave me, for every story she told me, for every fortunetelling she made for me, for every "pirojok" she cooked for me... She was and will always be the guardian angel of our family, no matter how far any of us will go, she is our home that each of us will carry in our hearts...
It feels surreal to think that she is gone now that I'm so far away from my homeland... Maybe that's for the better... as she will always be alive in my heart.
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